A few days back i got a proposal from a bother, whom i actually really like, specially his views about islam and his sincere wish to improve his knowledge about deen. When im seriously thinking about the matter of marriage in islam there are a few guides to it, from some great scholars, how to make it succesful. I don't think i could do much more as to suggest those lessons on this topic to all muslim brothers and sisters, yet i came across one, which i really would love to share. It is meant to be serious, still i couldn't stop myself from cracking a smile about some expressions in it. Pls enjoy:
60 Ways to Keep Your Wife's Love
1. Make her feel secure and sakinah - don’t threaten her with divorce 2. Give sincere salaams 3. Treat her gently - like a fragile vessel 4. Advise in private, at the best time, in the best way and atmosphere 5. Be generous with her 6. Warm the seat for her, you will warm her heart 7. Avoid anger, keep wudu at all times 8. Look good and smell great for your wife 9. Don’t be rigid or harsh-hearted or you will be broken 10. Be a good listener 11. Yes for flattery, No for arguing 12. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, names she loves to hear 13. Utilize pleasant surprises 14. Preserve and guard the tongue 15. Expect, accept, and overlook her shortcomings 16. Give sincere compliments 17. Encourage her to keep good relations with her family 18. Speak about topics that interest her 19. Express to her relatives, how wonderful she is 20. Give each other gifts 21. Get rid of routine, surprise her 22. Have a good opinion of each other 23. Have good manners, overlook small things, don’t nitpick 24. Add a drop of patience, increase drops during pregnancy, menses 25. Expect and respect her jealously 26. Be humble 27. Sacrifice your happiness for hers 28. Help at home and with housework 29. Help her love your relatives, but don’t try to force her 30. Let her know that she is the ideal wife for you 31. Remember your wife in dua 32. Leave the past for Allah subhanahu wa ta ala, don’t dwell on, dig into, or bring it up. 33. Don’t act as if you are doing her a favor by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family 34. Take shaytaan as your enemy, not your wife 35. Put food in your wife’s mouth 36. Treat your wife like she is the most precious pearl that you want to protect 37. Show her your smile 38. Don’t ignore the small things, deal with them before they become big 39. Avoid being harsh-hearted 40. Respect and show that you appreciate her thinking 41. Help her to find and build her inner strengths and skills 42. Respect that she might not be in mood for intimacy, stay within halal boundaries 43. Help her take care of the children 44. Give her gifts with your tongue, be an artist with your compliments 45. Sit down and eat meals together 46. Let her know that you will be traveling or returning from travel, give her sufficient notice 47. Don’t leave home in anger 48. Maintain the secrecy and privacy of the home 49. Encourage each other in ibaadat 50. Respect and fulfill her rights upon you 51. Live with her in kindness, goodness, fairness in good and bad times 52. Kiss your wife, foreplay, “Don’t jump on her like a bull” 53. Keep disputes between the two of you, don’t take it outside 54. Show care for her health and well-being 55. Remember you are not always right or perfect yourself 56. Share your happiness and sadness with her 57. Have mercy for her weaknesses 58. Be a firm support for her to lean on 59. Accept her as is, she is a package deal 60. Have a good intention for her
60 Ways to Keep Your Husband's Love
1. Behave like a female, i.e. all the tenderness of a female–a man doesn't want a man for his wife! 2. Dress pleasantly/attractively. If you are a home-maker, don't stay in your sleeping suit all day. 3. Smell good! 4. Don't lay out all your problems on your husband as soon as he walks in. Give him a little mental break. 5. Don't keep asking him, "what are you thinking?" 6. Stop nagging non-stop before Allah ta'ala gives you something really to complain about. 7. Absolutely no talking about your spousal problems to anyone you meet, not even under the pretense of seeking help! If you think you want to solve legitimate marital issues, then go seek counseling with the right person who can give advice in either: 8. Be kind to your mother-in-law the same way you would like your husband to be kind to your own mother. 9. Learn all the rights and obligations of each other in Islam. Focus on fulfilling your obligations, not demanding your rights 10. Race to the door when he comes home, as if you were waiting for him. Smile and hug him. 11. Keep your house clean, at least to the level that he wants it. 12. Compliment him on the things you know he's not so confident about (looks, intelligence, etc.) This will build his self-esteem. 13. Tell him he's the best husband ever. 14. Call his family often. 15. Give him a simple task to do at home and then thank him when he does it. This will encourage him to do more. 16. When he's talking about something boring, listen and nod your head. Even ask questions to make it seem like you're interested. 17. Encourage him to do good deeds. 18. If he's in a bad mood, give him some space. He'll get over it, inshaAllah. 19. Thank him sincerely for providing you with food and shelter. It's a big deal. 20. If he's angry with you and starts yelling, let him yell it out while you're quiet.You will see your fight will end a lot faster. Then when he's calm, you can tell him your side of the story and how you want him to change something. 21. When you're mad at him, don't say "YOU make me furious", rather, "This action makes me upset". Direct your anger to the action and circumstance rather than at him. 22. Remember that your husband has feelings, so take them into consideration. 23. Let him chill with his friends without guilt, especially if they're good guys. Encourage him to go out, so he doesn't feel "cooped up" at home. 24. If your husband is annoyed over a little thing you do (and you can control it), then stop doing it. Really 25. Learn how to tell him what you expect without him having to guess all the time. Learn to communicate your feelings. 26. Don't get mad over small things. It's not worth it. 27. Make jokes. If you're not naturally funny, go on the internet and read some jokes, and then tell them to him. 28. Tell him you're the best wife ever and compliment yourself on certain things you know you're good at. 29. Learn to make his favorite dish. 30. Don't ever, EVER talk bad about him with friends or family unnecessarily. If they end up agreeing with you, you will see that it hits you back in the face because you get more depressed that you have a bad husband–and other people also think you have a bad husband. 31. Use your time wisely and get things accomplished. If you're a home-maker, take online classes and get active in your community. This will make you happy and a secondary bonus is that it impresses your husband. 32. Do all of the above fee sabeelillah and you will see Allah put barakah in everything you do. 33. Husband and wife should discuss and communicate with wisdom with each other to convey what they like and dislike of each other to do or not to do. Do NOT give commands or instructions like he's your servant. "They are garment to each other" [Surah Baqarah, 2:187] 34. Tell your husband you love him, many, many times. Aisha, radiallahu anha, narrated that the Prophet , salallahu alaihi wasalaam, used to ask her how strong her love for him, she said like "a knot." And the next time he would ask her, "How is that knot?" He also used to reply to her saying, "Jazzakillah, O Aishah, wallahi, you have not rejoiced in me as I have rejoiced in you." 35. Have a race with your husband and let him win, even if you are much fitter and stronger than him. 36. Keep fit and take care of your health so you will remain a strong mother, and an attractive wife 37. Refine and cultivate good mannerisms i.e do not whine, don't laugh or talk too loud or walk like an elephant. 38. Do not leave the house without his permission and certainly not without his knowledge. 39. Make sure all his clothes are clean and pressed so he is always looking fresh and crisp. 40. Don't discuss important/controversial matters with him when he is tired or sleepy. Find right time for right discussion. 41. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. 42. Always let him know that you appreciate him working and bringing home the "dough". It makes it easier for him to go to work. 43. Make sure you ALWAYS have something for dinner. 44. Brush your hair, everyday. 45. Don't forget to do laundry. 46. Surprise him with gifts. Even necessities, such as new shoes, can be gifts. 47. Listen to him. (Even when he talks about extremely boring things like basketball or computers.) 48. Try (hard as it might be) to take interest in his hobbies 49. Try not to go shopping too much … and spend all his money. 50. Look attractive and be seductive towards him. Flirt with him. 51. Learn tricks and "techniques" to please your husband in intimacy. (Of course goes both ways.) 52. Prepare for special evenings with him with special dinner and exclusive time (no children permitted). 53. Take care of your skin, especially your face. The face is center of attraction. 54. If you not satisfied intimately, talk to him and tell him. Help him or provide resources, don't wait until matters become worse. 55. Ask Allah to strengthen and preserve the bonds of compassion and love between the two of you, every day, every prayer. Ask him to protect that bond from Shaytaan. When a lesser devil destroys the love between spouses, he is the most beloved of Shaytaan. Nothing works like du'ah, and love only exists between spouses where Allah instills it. 56. Don't EVER compare your husbands to other husbands! For example don't say, "well her husband doesn't do that, why do you …" (thats a killer!) 57. Be happy with what you have because no one is perfect. If you want perfection, wait until you enter Jannah together inshaAllah–and of course, vice versa! 58. Strive for Allah's love first and foremost! if all wives try to seek Allah's love and pleasure, surely, they can keep their husbands love too. And remember–if Allah loves you, the angels will love you, and the entire creation will love you. 59. If you pack a lunch for your husband to take to work, from time to time sneak in a little love note or sweet poem. If he doesn't take a lunch, leave the note somewhere else for him to find, like in his briefcase, or wallet or on the car steering-wheel 60. Wake him up for Qiyam ul-Layl (in the last third of the night) and ask him to pray with you. do you think you can do that?
Alhumdulillah... must have tips for all marriages :)
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